There has been an unfathomable outbreak of bugs in my room that is colossal in number. Just thinking about this situation makes my stomach turn and vomit begin to tickle my throat. Here are the facts:
1. Two weeks ago, I saw a few little black bugs flitting here and there about my room, though I barely took notice as we had just moved in and were dealing with much larger issues.
2. A week and half ago, I woke up and noticed that these little shithead critters were actually scattered throughout my floor. And, oh look! There was one on my bed!
And on my book shelf! I slowly inspected the room and was eventually led to my large windowsill. At this moment, my life changed forever. I see that there are about 100 bugs scattered throughout the large windowsill. Some are ugly baby bugs that are running around like chickens without heads, some are repulsive teenage bugs that are stupidly flirting with other disgusting promiscuous teenage bugs (and believe me when I say these girls are FAR FROM CHASTE), some are adult bugs that are just basking in the sunlight and some are bug corpses that have evidently met their death on one of my favorite books or with heads bowed silently against my new perfume. SICK.
3. Exterminator comes and says that there is no way any insect will survive after the number he did on our place. Phewfta. NOT.
4. Four days ago, after I washed everything I own, moved all of my things back into the room, and vomited one million times, I noticed that a few bugs were back.
Exterminator tells me not to be a baby and that those were just the last survivors and "everything is fine."
5. Yesterday, I find dozens more chilling on what once was my windowsill and is now just a vast terrain of smushed bugs and live ones rolling around. SICK SICK SICK.
6. My landlord came today after I called 10 times to inspect the situation. He brings his own extermination kit. Together, we find about 100 other buggies living in the creaks of my windows. He tells me "everything is fine" and I begin to cry hysterically. You know how a baby can go from being totally fine to, like, wailing crying in 10 seconds flat? That is exactly what I did.
7. Landlord becomes extremely uncomfortable and says "ahh, you are pretty...bye," and runs out of our apartment faster then a teenage bug procreates with another one in the vile, vomitous, revolting space formally known as my bedroom.
I am moving back to Minnesota.
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